My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
