Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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