***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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