I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize
