I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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