babies were throwing up all over the place
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize