you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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