FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
