so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
