i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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