I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My vagina just recognized that song.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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