i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
