the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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