I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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