I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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