It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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