remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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