I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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