bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
