i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
