what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
