I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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