the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
