i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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