Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
