I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
