There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He better not be in your backpack
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
