i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
