She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
