i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
