im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize