People with herpes should wear stickers.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
