I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
