I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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