I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
