I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
