Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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