bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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