im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
