Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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