Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize