you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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