whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
