Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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