...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
