I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
