Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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