Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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