her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
