I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
