Who did Billy Mays play for?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
