After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
