The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
