i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
