ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
