I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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