Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
