My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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