Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
