PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
