six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize