OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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