My liver just broke up with me...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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