It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
