I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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