I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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