just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
