Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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