So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize