Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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