Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize