omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize