Plan B is the new Plan A
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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