when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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