after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
