took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
