i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
