I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
