im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
