he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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