Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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