I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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