Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
