She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
