It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
