Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
last night I used snow as a chaser
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
