grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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