fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You took a bar mat shot.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
