You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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