Porn is love you can see.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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