Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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