your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I believe in your delicious
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
