so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
