What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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