i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
