Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
