My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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