the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
