This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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