do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
