My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize