i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize