Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize