WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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