my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
