Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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